by Katelyn Collison

In the last year, God has taught me a great deal about Love.

It’s a vast thing, this emotion. God Himself said it was the most important thing. I’ve loved, and lost, and prayed, and grew. I’ve held off on writing anything because I couldn’t imagine writing something that didn’t have dignity or grace inside it. But also because I didn’t understand what I had learned until now.

So, here’s what I would tell those still looking for love:

You know that quote that says if it’s not mad, passionate, extraordinary love – it isn’t worth your time? It’s true. It’s so true. This life is a beautiful thing, and loving someone is one of the greatest things you’ll ever do. It’s the greatest thing you can give someone else or have for yourself. So if it doesn’t make you feel free, if it doesn’t make you feel like something inside of you has come alive - it isn’t worth your time.

People will try to tell you that the person you fall in love with will complete you. Please, please, please – do not believe them. No one but God can or should complete you. The love that flows between you and the other person should make you feel whole and complete. It should make you feel like you’re enough just the way you are.

It has taken me a long time to get here. It’s taken me a lot of learning and experiencing, and I don’t see that changing any time soon. But please read my words:

There is someone out there who will love you – all of you. They will love your scars and your beauty, they will love your brokenness and your strength. If their love doesn’t make you feel free, or if you feel like you’re fighting more than they are – don’t stay. Don’t flinch. Your heart should swell when a real love is a part of your life. Any love that causes you pain, strife, or shrinking doesn’t deserve your beautiful, precious heart.

I am worth a love that makes me come alive.

by Brittany Paschall 

This morning I woke up, but something about this morning was different. I woke up and realized that I am worth more than test scores, Instagram taps, retweets, and religion. I am worth more than my brokenness, because my worth is intrinsic. My mornings have been like this recently, but this has not always been the case.

For the majority of my seventeen years on earth, I tried to be the perfect church girl who was pretty, smart, sweet, and pure. I was the girl who never disgraced her family, always served others and stayed out of trouble . Still, I was the girl who was broken by flawed expectations of myself and others, guilt, shame, hurt, regret, and religion, by my inability to see the intrinsic worth that I possess as God’s daughter. 

The funny thing about being broken is that you see the brokenness in others much easier than in yourself . It became almost natural and comforting to find where others around me were broken. In the end, their brokenness was only an excuse to hide and cover mine, a manifestation of pride. I found myself in a cruel cycle of harsh judgement towards myself and others. Every failure stung, every mistake wounded. I was lost, I was trapped, I was broken.

Sadly, no one even knew because I had padded my life with superficial friendships and surface level connections. Maybe it was the fear that they could not handle my brokenness, maybe it was the fear that I could not handle theirs. Thankfully, my Heavenly Father knew, and through it all He loved me! “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations” (Jeremiah 1:5 NIV). He knew that I would never be a perfect church girl because that is not what He had called me to. He called me to a life of freedom, love, justice, and redemption in Him. My brokenness was only the tool He used to show me this, and for that I am eternally grateful. 

John 8:36 has become one of my favorite scriptures. It says, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” God found me in all of my brokenness, reminded me that He was broken for me and You on an old rugged cross, and then set me free. Now, the chains of guilt, pain, lies, rejection, religion, insecurity, judgement, and shame no longer bind me. They are no longer factors in the equation of me or my worth. In fact, they never really were, because my worth relies solely on the fact of who my God is.

Don’t be fooled, freedom is far from easy! I have had more than a few tough days and long nights. Every day the adversary works on new plots to destroy my sense of worth. In fact, I have concluded that the intrinsic value we have in Christ is a threat to the adversary, the media, and everything else that attempts to make us feel worthless. Each day I wake up and make the conscious decision to take back everything that the adversary has stolen, to love others well, and to live by a standard of grace. I cannot do this alone though, will you wake up and take it back with me?

I have found that it helps to surround myself by people who love me through my brokenness, while encouraging me
not to linger there. Change is always easier in community.

by Emily Morris

The world is dark. We know this — even if we never turned on our televisions, if we stayed away from advertising, media, books, news. etc. — we would still know this. Because we can feel the effects of it. We are impacted by it. Friends betray us. Gossip steals our identity. Death brings heartache. Words may not break your bones, but they certainly can break your spirit. We are told by the very same Marketing Machine to be unique and interesting…but also to be thin (enough), wrinkle-free (enough), fit (enough), smart (enough), and clever (enough) to be accepted and to fit in.

Even as kids, we didn’t need to be told the world is dark. Eventually, we got there. When that line is crossed from being secure in simply being a kid, to all of a sudden needing to be the “right kind” of kid.

Eventually, this darkness moves beyond appearances and becomes a gamble for your identity, your sense of self, your freedom in being [just amazing] you. 

It is easy to get lost. It is easy to forget that there is a journey of self-discovery to be made. It is easy to get swept away by the next season in life, or the dream career, or the perfect spouse, and continue moving along in life while being (almost) happy, (almost) content, (almost) secure. But when you are still or quiet for too long there is that ever-so-quiet, yet ever-so-present sense that…you’re missing something.

Maybe even missing yourself?

We are a culture with impeccable numbing, diverging, and diluting skills.

“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’”

[John 8:12]

Though the world is so dark, the weight of it at times crippling…there is still light!

Though I have technically been a Christian for most of my life, the darkness and weight of the world, my mistakes, my history, the jabbing words of others, that sinking feeling of unworthiness, the pressure to be “cool,” to be a certain sect of beautiful has often been more than enough to keep me from clinging to Christ in finding my identity.

The past few years have been a whirlwind of excitement, heartbreak, painful discovery, healing cry sessions, peaceful surrender, violent fighting against surrender, soul-searching, and one very long journey to self-discovery that I didn’t even know I was on until I suddenly realized that I was me. A unique person allowed to have my own thoughts, feelings, opinions, and style. It was not until I no longer felt like a ball of clay others were adding to, adjusting, taking away from, and manipulating themselves that I truly found me. When the movement stopped and there was no more poking and prodding, I suddenly found myself – as I am designed to be.

Getting to a point where you claim that ball of clay and recognize every scrape, jab, and beautiful curve is made beautiful and lovely by your Creator, well that’s simply breath-taking.

Believing that you have been bought with a price*, that you are a co-heir with Jesus Christ**, that you have been wonderfully made*** with intention, and that the Holy Spirit gives us a spirit of freedom****

…this is when you have truly found yourself.

Your identity is not bound by the expectations of others, the harsh words that have been nailed upon your soul, the whispers, the lies, the disappointments, the failures, the injustices, or even the achievements — they do not make you who you are.

Your identity was sealed before it was ever tainted.

The Perfect Creator and Artist didn’t accidentally mess up when painting you into existence.

You are perfectly made, wonderfully, brilliantly shining, unique YOU. That no one else can be.

God is love. God’s Holy Spirit lives within you. Love moves, breathes, pulses throughout your being.

Let that love be the light that you cling to today and everyday.

Embrace it. Receive it. Give it.

Because no one else can be or love just quite like you do.

______________________________________

*for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 1 Cor. 6:20

**Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8:17

***I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

****For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

by Carley Guillorn

I struggle with many things: a sticky kind of depression called dysthymia, abandonment issues, trust issues, coffee addiction… The list goes on. Really, though, it boils down to one simple fact: I have always expected people to leave. I braced myself for the inevitable hole that will carve itself into my heart and look for the loneliness to set in. It is a horrible thing to expect of the people who love me, the people who have stuck around through it all. In my head, it seems like everyone I have ever loved has left. In reality, the people who have stayed far outweigh those who left.

There are three significant relationships that have influenced my inability to trust and strengthened my abandonment issues. A father, a best friend, and a boy. While the number is few, the wounds are not. There was one person in each of the important relationship categories in a girl’s life.  A father is supposed to be the most important role in a girls life, and so consequently, this was the relationship that messed me up the most.

My relationship with my biological father is non-existent. My parents divorced when I was three, and I remember almost nothing. For the next ten to fifteen years, I saw him on the occasional weekend. I spent years trying to understand why he wouldn’t want to have a relationship with his only child, his daughter. To a certain extent, I am still dealing with these questions.

It was only as I approached my twenties that I realized there was a reason for all of this hurt. There was a reason my biological father wasn’t interested in being my dad. God had another plan in mind the whole time. My mother remarried when I was young, and this man became my dad. He loved me like his own, because I was his own. It was never about biology or genes; it was about love.  I have never felt more loved, appreciated, and respected than when I am in my dad’s presence.

In this past year, I have seen God working in my life in tremendous ways. I have come from a place where I expect people to leave, to one in which I am merely bracing myself for it. I have reached a point where I don’t even find myself bracing for the hurt as much. This is all due to the amazing people God has placed in my life recently, and all of the work He is doing inside of me.

I am learning that abandonment is not something to fear, because my God is always with me. Even if those I hold near and dear walk away from me, I will still have Jesus, and he will never leave. He is teaching me that I am worth so much more than the insecurities and fears that I grew up with, that I am worth so much more because I am the daughter of the King. I have seen His hand in the relationships I am building and I see more clearly that the fear of everyone leaving does nothing but hurt myself and hurt others.

by Mary Dills

Society has twisted our minds into believing that you have to look a certain way to fit into their category of being “beautiful”. You know those sexy models with perfectly tanned, flawless skin, pearly white smiles, and beautiful thigh gaps. I’m supposed to look like that, right? That’s what the society we live in is constantly pumping into our heads.

Up until about a month ago, I found my worth in trying to fit myself in the mold of our society’s “beautiful”. I would gaze longingly at glossy magazine pages and wish I had legs like those, or a golden tan like that, or perfectly waxed eyebrows like hers. I craved those beautiful curves and that long, dark hair. I even went as far as to compare myself to those around me. Friends, coworkers, or random ladies I would pass in the grocery store– they all had something better than me in my eyes. I would sit in class and ask why I couldn’t have longer eyelashes because the girl beside me had prettier eyelashes than mine, or why I couldn’t have clearer skin like my best friend does. Because of this, my self-esteem suffered deeply. I couldn’t leave my house without makeup because I felt so ugly. I couldn’t do my hair in the morning without thinking of someone who had better hair than me. This darkness was starting to consume my life.

Then God stepped in and shined His light into those dark corners that we’re taking over. He spoke straight to my heart and filled me with the strength and courage I needed to see the way He views me: Beautiful. I am no longer held down by comparisons. I now embrace my body that God created with His own hands. I thank God for those freckles on my cheeks, and my crooked pinky toes, and my big ears. I love the messy hair I wake up to in the mornings and the way my curves look in my favorite pair of jeans. I couldn’t say that a season ago because I didn’t see myself the way God does. Because of God calling me beautiful, I don’t even wear makeup anymore. Why cover up the beauty God gave me?

I was also humbled by the realization that beauty is not only skin-deep; beauty also comes from your heart. God poured His sweet love into my heart to the point where it bubbled over and it now shines out onto those around me. I can now, by the grace of God, confidently say that I am beautiful inside AND out. God is head over heels in love with me. And in that love, I find my beauty. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and beautiful in the eyes of my God.

I used to look in the mirror and see a girl that society wouldn’t “approve” of as being beautiful. I now look in the mirror and thank God for the beautiful woman I see looking back at me. I used to find my worth in low self-esteem, countless comparisons, and trying to fit into what society defines as “beautiful”. I now find my worth in knowing that God himself whispered sweetly into my heart and called me beautiful.

by Laura Batstone

I expect a lot from myself. Far too much, really. When people ask me what I want to do with my life, my instinct is to respond with, “Change the world.” Some of my deepest dreams involve saving the world from physical suffering and spiritual darkness. And while this is my desire, I do not see myself doing any of those things and I am frustrated. People will argue with me and say that I am making a difference, but I’ve already told you I have unrealistic expectations of myself. My own distorted perspective is disappointed that I’m not living in Africa (nor capable of living in Africa) and I am not writing books that convert thousands. What a failure, right?

Unrealistic expectations create a slippery slope. My disappointment and frustration turns into resentment and bitterness. However, the scariest part about my personal expectations? The way I transfer these crazy standards and begin to harbor resentment against people I love.

A few months ago, I was [for the thousandth time] replaying the injustice of wounds a friend had given me. You know how it goes:
What are they thinking? How could they do this? Who acts like that? Suddenly I realized, I am furious. I had built up such anger that I was continually trapped inside my head and I didn’t even recognize myself. My expectations of perfect friendship had not been met and I held it against them with a bitterness that frightened me.

So, what do I expect? I expect to be my own savior. When that doesn’t work out, I expect you to save me. And honestly, that couldn’t be a more destructive scenario. We are all deeply flawed and incapable of saving one another. We can encourage one another, we can build each other up, but let’s leave the saving in more capable hands.

“’I, even I, am the LORD, And there is no savior besides Me. It is I who have declared and saved and proclaimed, and there was no strange god among you; So you are My witnesses,’ declares the LORD, ‘And I am God.’” Isaiah 43:11-12

Knowing this truth, let’s stop looking to be saved. We already are. Don’t see your accomplishments as a way to rescue yourself. And stop searching for other people to save you from your life. I do you an injustice when I put that upon you. No one could live up to that pressure and I am sorry I have placed it on others. I already have a rescuer.

So, what do you expect? Salvation is already here.

I know Lionhart often asks, “What’s your worth?”  Well, I am writing to say, “I am worth more than my own expectations. You are worth more than my expectations.”

by Jordan Carter

Since I can remember, I have tried to find my identity and worth in other people, specifically in males. Growing up, my father was in and out of the picture based on whether he was in rehab, jail, or chasing some big-name restaurant job. I was six when my parents divorced and was kept in the dark about the reasons why until years later. He tried numerous times to make amends, but drugs, alcohol, and women always took precedence over rectifying his broken relationship with his two daughters.

I wanted so badly to be a daddy’s girl, to actually have a date to the father-daughter events, to be taught something about life by my dad, to be told I am loved and cared for and special. No matter how many times my mom did (and still does) tell me how much she loves me, there was always a desire to hear it from my dad, to know that he cared for me, that I was worth something to him.

My dad died when I was sixteen while on a trip with his then girlfriend. His constant lack of effort and absence set me on a trajectory of lifelong insecurities surrounding the feeling of worthlessness. Because, in my head, if you’re not worth the effort of your own father, whose effort will you be worth?

I’ve spent so much energy and care looking for this worth. I have cried so many tears, yelled so many words, denied my true self, and lost so much of me in hopes of satisfying that all consuming craving to feel worthwhile to someone, to know I am cared for unconditionally.

And because of this search for worth, I have found myself changing my identity based on the guys I have been interested in. I crave male attention so much that I will change myself to fit the mold of a guy’s perfect girl. Within the last year, I have been at two extreme identities because of the guys I was interested in.

I went from being a pretty and pristine, completely pure, clean, wholesome girl who excelled in leadership positions at my Christian university, to embracing the secular world, drinking too much, spending the night places I shouldn’t, using crude language, and mocking my Christian friends. The difference is night and day. But the boys gave me attention, if only for a while.

The thing is, neither of the people I tried to be is who I am completely, but are parts of me. I tried to be the perfect Christian girl, which is what I am striving toward, but I was denying my past, all the things that have brought me to where I am today. I denied the power of God in my life and his love for me, the worth that comes inherently because I am his child. I tried to find my worth in that perfect Christian guy. But with the second guy, I was denying the future God has for me, the future that is only possible through him, through his steadfast love and the plans he has to prosper me, and instead, I was living in the past, returning to the mistakes and desire for instant satisfaction that once defined my life. I was trying to find my worth in the “bad boy” who only made me feel like my existence was an annoyance to him and that I lacked any amount of worth.

I am neither one of the persons I tried to be over the last year, but those persons are parts of me, parts of my story, of where I have come from and where I am going. Trying to find my identity and value in fragments of me, denies the whole part of me that is worthwhile and beautiful. I am me and some of that is messy and dirty, but some of that is good and pure.

Just because I am aware of my changing identity, does not mean it is something I have overcome. I still struggle with it everyday. The other day, I was out with friends and a guy came over to talk to me. He was a country boy, drove trucks, wore boots. And I found myself talking like I was a country girl. Truth be told, I am a city girl through and through, and I can’t stand country music. We had nothing in common, but he liked me and so I changed who I was.

The constant battle I face is not letting the way I am objectified seep into where I find my worth. In my experience, with male attention, objectification isn’t far behind. The struggle to find worth outside of the guys I am interested in or the objectification I experience in the process is continuous. But I am on a journey to be me, to find the inherent worth inside of me, to understand that I am worth the effort.

I am worth more than the mistakes and actions of my father. I am worth more than the fleeting attention of a guy. I am beautiful and uniquely me.